Post-Partum Notes


Since giving birth a week ago, I’ve gathered some reflections:

This is my first birth, all natural, no epidural and it feels so long ago but it’s only been a week because of the new responsibilities and lack of sleep.

Confusion: I cannot figure out a routine or what my baby wants and get super anxious when he cries

Guilty but extremely grateful: I need my mom, grandma, partner, and two sisters to help me – how do single moms or simply a mom with a working partner do this on their own?! The post-partum physical pain puts me at an inefficient level and I am so lucky to have meals and laundry done on top of some diaper changes, feeds, and looking after my baby while I take a simple toilet break.

Stressor #2 – Post-partum symptoms: Uterus cramps, back pain, all over body pain, headaches, perineum wound pain makes it difficult and agitating to master breastfeeding in proper positions on top of painful nipples. How did people manage back in the day with no pain killers?!

Stressor #1 – breastfeeding: The first few days feeding baby with just colostrum was not enough and I was torn between my mom’s advice to feed formula vs. the professionals’ advice that colostrum was enough. My baby kept feeding non-stop early dawn for hours and the frustration of an unsatisfied baby plus sore nipples and other physical pains is not a good combination. Then I would worry my breast milk wouldn’t come in to ever satiate this baby’s cravings.

Other differing advice: feeding water, limit baths, feeding on a schedule vs. letting the baby sleep and feed whenever – what is right/wrong I really don’t know

So many things I did not know about labour: I thought there was just labour and baby is born but there is early labour that precedes active labour and I felt 3 different types of pains leading up to the birth of my baby. It started with a cramp in the uterus once in a while irregularly for a day until it switched into this super painful cramp and stomach pain which eventually led to my water popping (I legit felt and heard my water pop). Then the real labour pains began and it was felt in the vagina. Throughout the whole pregnancy I tried not to think about labour because I don’t know what to expect and don’t want to pre-stress if unnecessary. It’s almost been a week and I still think how I have this baby now that was growing in my uterus for 9 months from a tiny little 1 cm dot already with a beating heart to this grown little human that I pushed out. Your body just gives into labour and the contractions. I am so proud I did not get an epidural but my fears of the perineum tear and pushing out feces during birth did happen. Each contraction consists of waves of pain that I hummed and breathed through until the next where baby is slowly travelling down. Eventually, the contractions urged a push that was felt through the rectum as if I were having a bowel movement. The experience was traumatizing but worthwhile once the baby arrives. I was also not told about the amount of blood during labour that was gushing down my legs while I stood up for most of my contractions as lying down was very uncomfortable for me. I was pregnant and saw a bump but until I saw the baby I didn’t believe that I actually had a baby growing inside me.

So much to learn and so many new emotions to embrace as motherhood is so magical. And something about being responsible for your little human makes life so much more valuable. My career can wait as I now can confirm that having a child early is truly a blessing. It even became a blessing to be living at home with all the help as I transitioned from a struggling adult with a quarter century crisis to a meaningful path of motherhood.

First Baby Boy Shower

June 8, 2019

It all started two years ago in March 2017 when I received a visitation dream (not superstitious I swear) from my deceased grandpa. He passed in 2014 right before I met my first boyfriend and now dad to my first child. He pays me visits via dreams and I strongly believe in them even though I am not superstitious. I figured I am more spiritual compared to many of my other family members so he can get through to me with his meaningful messages. That dream took place on the sky train in Vancouver where I picked a plump baby out of a pile of babies in a basket. I held the baby and the baby was doing some flexible yoga back bend with his head when I heard my grandpa holler across the sky train to warn me to be careful. My sisters were also in this dream and I remember saying to them how loud our grandpa is when he yelled across the train. My interpretation of this dream was based on my grandpa’s words in the dream that said he only will stay with me for two more years. Is he hinting that he will reincarnate into this precious little baby who will continue to bring me guidance and joy in my life? ANSWER IS YES!!! My baby’s father and I split in May 2017 and accidentally got pregnant in November 2018… this was all unplanned. On top of that, the dream hinted that my baby will be a boy and here we are, having a baby boy. This is so wild but all meant to be. I had an extremely challenging time in the beginning as to whether I should keep the baby because of the unstable relationship between myself the and baby’s dad. Time will tell and as I write this, I realized how far I’ve come along and baby James will definitely be the light of my life!

Life Matters – Years Ago


I used to own a blog called Life Matters (pun). It was an outlet for me during my university years to post meaningful quotes that related to my life. *Credits to google images

BE.YOU.TIFUL. Time and time again the main strategy for success is simply believing that you can.
Do you ever get that uncomfortable mix of chest/gut feeling caused by Nostalgia?
Mostly for romantic relationships.
I need to print this out.
I love this for motivation towards new beginnings and not ruminating on the past.
I saw this one recently and I thought that I’m definitely more an ice cream seller than a leader.